I'm sad, and I'm tired

I usually only blog about the happy things (because seriously... there are enough horrible stories in the news alone to keep you up at night), but this is a different kind of post.

Just after Halloween, we had to put our German Shepherd to sleep. M got her his first year of vet school and lived alone with her for four years before we met. She then had to share him on weekends for the next year, until we married and I moved in to "their" house. I like to call her "The Girl He Loved Before He Loved Me." She was a rescue dog and definitely partly-insane, which I think helped prepare him for marrying me and then living with a hormonal girl for the past 4 1/2 years-- I've been pregnant or nursing all but 9 months of our married life!

Being an at-home mom means that the care of the kids, meals, house, and pets falls to me, while M works his tail off for our family. I love my job, and would have said that having just one dog around would make things easier (combined, both our dogs weighed over 150 pounds...) in terms of feeding, grooming, cleaning the house, etc, but I've discovered that having just one dog means that I feel there's a hole in my at-home life.

I miss feeding her, brushing her, washing her and having her shake 4 gallons of water on me. I miss chasing after her when she'd escape the gate to chase deer. I even miss cleaning up all of that hair. It's not so bad when I'm out of the house, but every time I go through my daily routine here, I notice the emptiness that her absence has created. I just miss her.

On a different but similar note, I'm tired. Worn down. It's been like this ever since our epic road trip in August (over 2 weeks of travel!). I feel like I can't keep up with life right now, and sleep just doesn't mean the same thing when you have two small ones who can't tell time. The tiredness isn't just being a mom of 2 kids, but something more that I can't figure out. I think it's time to get my hormones checked again.

And take a nap. Or exercise.

Is it terrible that while I have a feeling that the second option would make me feel better in the long run, the first one sounds sooooo much better now?

Please tell me to get my rear in gear and get back to my jogging. I felt better when I was doing that, but have lost the drive after dealing with everyone being sick within the last month, all at different times.

This has been a sad and pathetic post, but now that I've gotten it all off my chest, I will return to the happier posts of yore. I'd hate to wander down the path of whiny-ness, because it can be tough to find your way back.