7 Quick Takes Friday (Vol. 11), the "Where have I been?" edition

Sweet Leila wrote me an e-mail, asking where I've been lately. I thought I'd answer her e-mail with a blog post. :)

1. Having LOTS of overnight visitors. Mom came for around a week to escape downtown Fort Worth while the Steelers were in town for the Super Bowl. She accidentally took little H's carseat back home with her, so my dad drove it down the next day and spent a few nights with us. Then, my MIL came down to watch the kids while I took care of the next Quick Take item.

2. Preparing for and having a colonoscopy. This is the 3rd one I've had in the past 10 years, and the only one where I was convinced drinking the prep solution (MoviPrep, which I referred to as MoviHell) might kill me. I kept vomiting it up at 4:30 am, and my loving husband was comically (very sleepily, in his defense) unsympathetic about my plight, telling me to 1) chug it all down at once (impossible), 2) stop throwing up in the sink (also impossible... I couldn't move), and 3) either drink it or go back to bed. Truly, this isn't meant to disparage my hubby-- he's just missing that sympathetic-to-his-wife's-pain gene. For instance, he didn't believe I was going into labor with H, since I wanted to shower and put on make-up instead of screaming; he slept through most of my active labor contractions at the hospital; and I'm pretty convinced that he thought I exaggerated all of my pregnancy and birthing pains. Ha!

3. Realizing that my online time and time I spend maintaining relationships with online "friends" (I only put this in quotes because I don't know many-- most-- of the friends in real life) is giving me an excuse to avoid forming new and maintaining old real life relationships. It was becoming unhealthy, and I decided to step back, the way I did with Facebook around a year ago. I still read many of the blogs and pop in occasionally to comment, but even needed to stop posting as frequently on my own blog because I was too interested in how many comments I had and how many people were reading.

4. Tying into #3, I've been questioning (yet again) the information on the Internet concerning my family, that I've put out there on either Facebook or this blog. I thought the other day about how I'm so glad that Facebook didn't exist when I was in college, because there are plenty of photos I'm more than happy to forget. Then, I thought about how happy I am that my mom wasn't blogging/updating every moment of my life, especially with photos of every awkward moment of my youth. Even when people take down their blogs, some of the cached posts can be found. While I don't post photos of my kids on the blog, I occasionally do on Facebook. I'm starting to think that it's not necessarily my "right" to expose them in that way, when they have no option, and when the photos may follow them, potentially for the rest of their lives. What if C runs for President someday, or H wants to start his own company? :) I think they are the ones who should be able to write their own stories, with or without photos. Thoughts on this? And would you have minded if your mom (or dad) posted thousands of pics of you online and wrote about everything before you had a chance to tell your own story?

5. Getting crafty. I've been finishing the kitchen countertops and reorganizing the kitchen, recovering the dining room chairs and our bar stools, planning some sewing projects for the kids, picking fabric to make new pillow covers for the couch and loveseat, making Valentine wreaths, and planning my spring and summer flowers, herbs, fruits, and veggies.

This took less than 5 minutes while my son was napping. I "Love" it.

These are berries from a tree in our front yard (see header). I've since added more berries and moved the wreath to the front door in case any berries fell off and H ate some. Just call me Mom of the Year.

6. Fishin' for rattlesnakes out of an old cistern. I wish I was kidding about this, but the snakeskin currently residing in my freezer confirms my story. As does this photo, with my FIL, hubby, and BIL (left to right).

I won't even explain what's going on here. Feel free to form your own opinions.

7. Trying tons of new recipes. I lost my HUGE recipe folder (ok, technically the freezer bag that I stuck all of my original and modified recipes in before I transferred them to my official recipe book.  This means I'm missing around 250 recipes) and my Macbook crashed (again), so I lost all of my bookmarks for online recipes that I like. I've decided to use this as a positive time to try new things and remodify recipes that I've made before from online recipes. I also realized that if I'd updated my cooking blog, I'd have a record of everything. Sigh. I've also been having fun with my Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day book. I made a delicious boule this week and then used more of the same dough to make sticky buns for M last night, since he had a big morning today at work.

Amniotic dreams

Definition of brave: sharing some of my poetry from graduate school. This is from one of my creative writing classes during my first year of grad school, obviously before I was pregnant with my daughter. The Master's gown still hasn't happened... kids and moving managed to side-track me. However, I'm in a writing slump at the moment and thought that just putting my older words out in the world might inspire me to write again.

Amniotic Dreams

I

When I was twenty-two, my mother and I went to the San Diego Zoo. I am just like my mother, always right, always my way. We fought in the car, more like lionesses than cats and dogs, and she went into the zoo without me. It took several hours, several calls to my father, and several unheard intercom pages of “Would Linda (______) please meet her daughter at the zoo entrance” before I found her. She was staring at the sea otters with the same look of contentment I see on my husband’s face when I turn to him as morning light tiptoes across our rumpled sheets. When she saw me, she smiled and said that if Hindus are right and we Catholics are wrong, then she wants to come back as a sea otter. She said she wants to swim and flip and play in the satin-cool water all day long.

II

My mother works in a tall, shiny building, an edifice more suited to skydiving than skin diving. Not long after I was married, my husband visited my mother at her office.  He came home laughing, saying that she told him her dream of walking through the cubicle walls, and of jumping down whole flights of stairs in one leap, and of soaring through the air, right out of her office windows. I think he thinks my mother is a bit crazy. He says he knows where I get it, as if dreams are something passed through the umbilical cord like nutrients from mother to child. He laughed again at her stories and then looked at me for a response.  I was silent.

III

I am my mother’s only child, her first and last born. I think about my mother and how everyone remarks about how alike we are, how they know whose daughter I am, nudge-nudge, looking at my mother. I’m secretly jealous of her. Not in an Electra I-want-my-father sense, but in a why-are-her-dreams-so-much-better-than-mine kind of way. She dreams of open skies and lapping waves of salty water, while my dreams are full of land. My shoes hold fast to the soil, despite all my desperate efforts to leave the ground. The ocean calls to me at night by way of a sound machine, but I can only pick up the smoothly polished stones by the sea and long to enter the roar. 

IV

My mother is a middle child, a comic book shelved haphazardly between a scholarly college text and a glitzy fashion magazine. Her mother had her when she was twenty-nine, and my mother had me when she was twenty-nine. I will be twenty-nine myself in just seventeen months, Masters diploma in sight. My stomach may be rounded then with child, a living basketball stored beneath a cap and slimming black gown. Will my practical, earth-centered dreams be transferred through the womb, or will the child be like my mother, dreaming of things my own sleep-soaked brain cannot? I read a psychology journal that said embryos can dream at thirty-two weeks. If this is true, perhaps my dream-child will teach me how to leave the ground, and fly just above the glittering ocean, dipping the tips of my toes in its wetness.

 

Ultimate denial: Update

From time to time, when my daughter is at Mother's Day Out and my son is napping, I'll flip on The View because I think it acts as a barometer to the nation's attitude, given that some of the women are ultra-liberal, one or two are moderate, and one is fairly conservative.

Today, though, I was blown away by the irony of something that was said. Once ABC posts today's show, I'll be sure to link it.

Update: here's the link

The women were talking about Oprah's big revelation that she has a half-sister who was put up for adoption by Oprah's mother. The question one woman posed to the group was essentially, "Would you be upset with your mother if she did this?"

Surprisingly, only the more moderate and conservative hosts said that they would want to hear about the whole situation behind the adoption before passing any judgement.

HOWEVER, the two most liberal hosts (Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar) both thought that it was unfair that the mother had denied Oprah a sibling, and denied her the chance to have a relationship with her sister.

(Update: When I watched it again, I realized that it was Sherri Shepherd who brought up the denied relationship with a sibling, but Joy still seems to agree with this)

Seriously??? Do they not see the irony in their statement? Despite being the two most vocal supporters (on The View) of a woman's right to choose abortion, Whoopi and Joy confirmed what the pro-life movement, Pope John Paul II, and Mother Teresa all said: abortion is wrong not only because it kills a child, but also because it deprives current or future children of their sibling.

God, turn our hearts toward You.

Do you see what I see?

Who says you can't grow fresh tomatoes in your backyard in freezing weather in January?

Not me!

Despite being devoured by deer in the Spring, my sweet little Roma plants are still doing their darnedest to produce fruit (yes, tomatoes are fruit, not vegetables)

Oh, how I love my handsome and handy hubby who build me a greenhouse from scratch a few years ago (no pre-fab anything for this guy!). My tropical flowers and plants are still hanging in, even if I've been a negligent gardener, going a few-too-many days between thorough waterings.

 My vinca liked getting a good soak. I love the way vincas look when planted with plumerias-- they complement each other nicely

 Tiny cherry tomatoes peeking through vincas, mums, and orchids

These begonias had red leaves when I bought them, and, uniquely, kept them because they were far too shaded in our yard and kept cooler in the greenhouse once the temperatures dropped. I managed to accidentally do what many gardeners attempt and fail to do! :)

Not hiding, just remodeling

I've been pretty absent from blogging recently, though I manage at least to read many blogs and comment here and there, mostly using my trusty iPhone while hiding from the kids and peeing in private taking a break from my daily business. It's been pretty crazy around here lately.

So, what's been keeping you so busy, Lisa?

Thanks for asking, imaginary friend!

On CHRISTMAS DAY, a day when most people sit around the fireplace while sipping egg nog as puppies in sweaters frolic at their feet and children squeal with delight at their new pajamas (seriously, that needs a post of its own later) toys, M and I decided to start our kitchen renovation project. We're replacing our Formica countertops with granite tile countertops and are doing all of it ourselves... even the bullnosing of the edges.

Nothing says "Merry Christmas!" like tearing apart your countertops and still having to cook meals in there. (For the record, we don't eat out. Ever. The last time I can remember our little family eating out was in April.) What can I say-- I love to cook and can do it 10 times better than anywhere else we could go. I'd be embarrassed about bragging, but if you'd been here for the party we threw a few weeks ago (the weekend before the renovation), you'd know that I'm no liar. Grilled pork loin, tortilla soup, homemade French bread, party salad (that's what I call it... no idea what it's really called), potato salad, chocolate cake, margaritas, and tons of appetizers and dips... but I digress.

Anyway, here's a sneak peek from one side of last week's progress:

Obviously they're not grouted yet, and at this point we hadn't finished the very back, along the wall.

This is one of the (very annoying, very frustrating) jobs that I had: matching tiles together so that the entire counter will look as seamless as possible:

It's like some crazy version of calculus on the back of some of the tile. This is why my husband keeps me around-- I'm useful. And, I'm the only one who understands my code, so he can't get rid of me. That's also why I handle the bills and filing system. He'd be dazed and confused without me. :)

Giving credence to dreams

I've sat on this story for quite some time. You know how you sometimes have good news that you really want to share, but you don't know 100% if you should share it or not, because there's a chance that nothing might come of it?

What? You have no idea what I'm talking about? And you found that last sentence to be horribly convoluted and confusing? Hmm.
 
I've had a couple of dreams in my life that have "come true" in real life-- I put that in quotation marks because coming true didn't happen exactly like I'd dreamed, but the dream ended up playing a big role in real life.

My dear friend Lauren blogged about one of these dreams and how it influenced her husband's and her emotional and spiritual commitment to two precious babies that they were unable to physically parent.

Another time, as Lauren anxiously awaited the birth of her sweet daughter, I sent her an e-mail in the middle of the night, just two days before her daughter was born.

I just had a dream that your baby girl was born and you named her Abigail (Joy/Father's Joy) Marie (ok, that means bitter... maybe bitter joy after losing the other children??) _______. If that IS the name, I'm going to try to induce a dream, go back to sleep, then wake up and buy a lottery ticket.

Love,
L

She and her husband hadn't considered the name "Abigail" before, but as her husband wrote in his blog, it was the perfect name for a much-longed-for child who brought such joy to her father-- and mother!

In both of these instances, the dream served as a catalyst, but real life was not an exact replica of the dream.

Ok, so now that you know the background of a couple of my dreams that have been (somewhat) actualized in real life (though for the record, I have yet to be chased around a wood pile by the Big Bad Wolf, forced to run from flying monkeys, lost all of my teeth, or shown up for a final exam after skipping every single class), here's the dream that is on my mind now.

And it has been recurring for several months. Vividly.

Through Lauren's struggles with infertility, I've gotten to "know" several infertile/sub-fertile Catholic women who blog, and I pray for all of them regularly. One woman, however, has taken over many of my dreams.

Several months ago, I first dreamed about meeting this woman. The scenario was quite believable (aside from the fact that she introduced herself by her blog name!) and in my dream I thought, "Wow! I feel like I already know her. And I have a feeling her life is going to change soon." Just then, she turned around and I saw her very pregnant belly. In my dream (and every one of these dreams since) it was Christmastime, so in real life this past Christmas season I was holding my breath and checking her blog regularly to see if she had any big announcements.

I can't write more about this particular blogger without likely giving away who she is (I don't want to do this for fear of disappointing her), but if she reads this, all I can say is not to lose hope! All of us need to cling to hope, and I have such faith that, in whatever way God plans, this dream of mine will be realized in her life. I feel very called to put this out there, because I think she needs to believe.

Whew. Weight off my chest. :-)

Thoughts on being single

A blogger who I enjoy following (Shannon at A Friend of Gianna) has written recently about being separated (physically) from someone very special to her, for several months. I was thinking about this over the weekend and remembering how long waiting once seemed (now it seems my life is moving far too quickly as my kids grow up) when I was single. I thought about sending her an e-mail, but wanted to hear other thoughts on being single. I wish I could go back and give my single-self some advice about how to make the most of the time before marriage and children, but since I can't do that, I can lay out my thoughts for Shannon. The irony of it all is that, while she currently thinks that there is a long time before she gets to see her beau, if she plans to do any or all of my suggestions, she will likely panic and think, "I don't have enough time to do this!" It's all about perspective. :)

My advice on being single:

Learn new things, and get good at them

Make a goal of trying one new recipe a week. Ask friends for their favorite recipes, look online, and check out different cookbooks from your local library. Sign up for cooking classes and then practice, practice, practice. It's easy to get into a cooking rut once your husband and kids have favorite meals that you know will always turn out great. It's more difficult to experiment because if things don't turn out like you'd hoped, you may end up making two meals in one night.

Take up a new hobby and take classes for it. Want to learn Italian? Sign up at a local junior college or find a native speaker willing to give you lessons. Take piano lessons or sewing classes. Learn how to decorate cakes in a Wilton course or take a painting class from a local artist. Find a guy friend who will let you practice cutting his hair... there are plenty of videos on YouTube about how to do this (or find a hairdresser who will teach you), and it will be an invaluable skill once you're married.

Develop really practical skills not generally associated with females, like basic woodworking, basic auto repair, and self-defense. Go to a firing range and learn to shoot. Have your father, brother, or male friend (or me... I learned while in grad school when my husband was commuting 2 hours each way to work!) teach you how to grill a mean steak on a charcoal grill. Go fishing or camping and bait your own hook or set up your own tent.

Discover your city

Grab a friend and visit different restaurants around town. Ask the waiters what's good and then order those things. Then, when you have a date night at some point down the road, you have several restaurant options and different dishes to suggest.

Visit museums that you wouldn't normally think you'd like. Not really into modern art? Take a guided tour. Don't know much about the history of airplanes or cowgirls or American Indians? Read up on the museum and then go there with an open mind.

Once a month or every other month, do something big-- go to a concert, the ballet, the opera, or an outdoor festival. Appreciate how in this season of your life, you can do things like this without a lot of babysitter planning or agreement from a spouse!

Get healthy

This will be the easiest time in your life to get in shape, inside and out. Start/continue a workout plan. Scheduling workouts around kids' naptimes and your spouse's home improvement projects takes planning to a new level.

Join some sort of team: volleyball, kickball, running club, table tennis... it doesn't matter. Just connect with others who enjoy the same sport.

Eat locally and organically, at least in part. Buy five different kinds of apples and see which you like best. Visit farmer's markets to see what's being grown in season, and try to buy only those kinds of veggies and fruits at the grocery store.

Get eye exams, physicals, and dental cleanings regularly. Do self breast exams monthly. Floss. Take a multivitamin and drink lots of water. Again, once kids are in the picture, going to a doctor or dentist takes some major planning. Get a good haircut and use a good shampoo. Don't forget to moisturize and wear sunscreen!

Learn about yourself, and adjust accordingly

If you are always running late, make it a point to allow extra time to leave and get somewhere. If you procrastinate, set goals and reward yourself for achieving them on-time. If you have trouble staying organized, make some new habits that will help you to get better. Forming new (read: better) habits is so much easier when you're the only one having to adapt to the change!

Save, save, save your money! It's tempting to think that this is the only time your money will be all yours, but really, it already belongs to you and your future spouse. I wish I'd saved more (and bought fewer shoes and frivolous things) so that I would have entered our marriage with a larger nest egg. If you don't currently budget, start now. Learn about money, because there is a 50-50 chance that you'll be the one handling the family finances.

Read new books. Learn more about your faith. Subscribe to a newspaper or magazine that presents a world view (as in, what is going on in the entire world). If you have the chance to travel, do it! Find a few cities you really like and go there at least once or twice a year. Find favorite places to eat and stay there, and consider them "your" places.

Okay, fellow bloggers... what other advice would you give to your single or pre-children self?