No access

I currently have no Internet access beyond my iPhone. And no, I will not type a full post on this thing. So, gone for now but back up soon, hopefully.

Marriage question

What makes a marriage fall apart?

I was humming to myself in the shower while the kids napped (Blessed day! They BOTH took a nap! At the same time!) and realized I was humming a song I liked back in high school. It reminded me of singing to a little boy who I used to babysit, to help him fall asleep.

Those of you who know me in real life are wondering how in the hell my singing helped him to sleep.

But it did. I swear.

Or maybe he passed out from the sheer range of my vocal chords. Ok, it's a slight range. And not a pretty one, at that. But it helped him sleep either way. Moving on...

I babysat for this little boy for years, at least three times a month and often more frequently. His parents were scrupulous about planning date nights-- dinner with friends or seeing a movie together or having game nights with their friends or attending Bible studies at their church. They eventually adopted an infant girl from overseas with a cleft palate, and obviously took on all of her surgery expenses. They always seemed so happy together. I always hoped that my own marriage would someday be like theirs, especially when (embarrassing story ahead... avert your eyes, oh Ye of the Faint Hearts!) I went into their bedroom to get the baby shampoo after a major spit-up incident and found a black négligée hanging on the closet door. This was an old couple... in their THIRTIES... and clearly they were still crazy in love. 

I know. It's frightening that I once found them to be soooo old. Dear heavens, I AM that old now!

Anyway, the shower humming made me think about their son and wonder whatever happened to him. So, thanking modern (invasive) technology, I looked him up on Facebook. 

There were a couple of guys with his name, but I was able to narrow it down to three possibilities, one in which the boy's face was partially obscured and the other two in which graphics replaced the photo. Hmm. Not enough information was posted to help me narrow it down from there. I knew the son would be either 19 or 20 now, but I couldn't figure out which of the three he might be and thought about giving up at this point.

Then I decided to look up his parents. That's when I discovered... (shocker at this point, I'm sure)...

They're not married to each other anymore.

The husband is remarried, and I found the wife on Facebook, but can't tell if she's using her maiden name or a married name. The daughter with the cleft palate, by the way, is ridiculously gorgeous now (and 15!). 

I know it's been around 15 years since I've seen these people, but I was so saddened by the dissolution of their marriage. It's kind of crazy-- the last time I watched their children they were so in love, and suddenly (for me, not them) it ended. I don't understand how it happens. I want some sort of early warning system, like a carbon monoxide alert system, to let me know if my own marriage is starting to veer off the tracks. 

Maybe this is where the Sacrament of Confession comes into play. By keeping our consciences clean, and being forced to examine our failings and temptations, we are more likely to see warning signs. I've gotten lax about Confession recently. I make the excuse that, with two young children, it's hard to get there. But, if I can (someday soon, hopefully!) find time for a haircut, no doubt I can fit in a chance to update my soul, as well. Especially if it provides some added insurance in my marriage!

Saying a prayer for marriages everywhere.

Homeschooling discernment series: Guest post numero uno- Lauren

I wrote an introduction to Lauren, from Magnify the Lord with Me, in yesterday's blog post. Be sure to read it and get acquainted with the author of today's guest post! 

And now... take it away, LAUREN!!! (The crowd goes wild...) 

Thank you, Lisa, for asking me to share my thoughts on home-schooling!  It is a topic that has been near and dear to my heart over the last few years as the Lord has stretched me (as only He is known to do!) in the area of education.  I taught in Catholic elementary schools for seven years.  We are military, so I experienced three different Catholic schools in two states and various socio-economic backgrounds.  I’ve taught kindergarten, first and third grades, but first grade is my favorite!  We do not have children yet, but are hoping to adopt (very) soon.  Yes- I like to plan ahead! 

In my experience, I found that the longer I taught, the more disillusioned I became with the education system.  I discovered that even within the most Godly and focused school, the child’s experience depended directly upon their teacher and the type of class she had that year.  Previously I found home-schooling to be strange and frightening, but as I began to learn more about the concept, we found that it was the answer to our concerns.

The following are the TOP SEVEN REASONS why home-schooling is for us. 

1. The PURPOSE of Education: As a Christian, the purpose of an education is essentially to get you into Heaven!  Every aspect of our education should be oriented towards helping us to know, love and serve God better.  My first principal understood this and expressed it beautifully to us teachers…ONCE.  I do not think most teachers taught with that in mind.  My second and third schools did not understand this at all. 
   
   In the public school and most private schools, the purpose of an education is to become “successful.”  Schools are performance-driven, not grace-oriented.  They want to train students to do well so that they, too, can enter the rat-race and become consumers with the mentality that  if they work hard enough, they can save themselves.  Ironically, many students reject this form of education because they understand that there is more to life than this.  Public schools and many (most?) private schools do not teach our kids to REBEL against the destructive norms of society.  My husband and I want our kids to be rebels for Jesus! 
   
   One last note on religion in education.  In most private schools, religion has become a subject, not the essence of the school.  In my first school, our principal mandated that religion be the FIRST subject taught, so as to impress upon students (and teachers) the priority and importance of the subject.  When I got married and began teaching at a different Catholic school, I tried to continue in this light.  But when I turned in my schedule to my principal, she informed me that it is the school’s policy to teach MATH first because of its importance.  (I should have walked away right then and there.) 
   
   
2. Education is STATE-CONTROLLED: The majority of private schools receive some sort of funding from the state, often with strings attached.  If strings are not attached when the money is offered initially, it can be later.  A school might think they could stop taking the money if the rules were changed, such as teaching homosexuality is “normal,” yet once a school becomes accustomed to accepting money, it can be very difficult to refuse.  Schools teach the values of modern-day American society rather than the values of the Lord. 
   
   Furthermore, most public and private schools use the same textbooks.  The textbook has become the substitute for a well-trained teacher.  Teachers simply read their directions and lines from the teachers’ manual and the lesson is achieved.  In history, for example, very seldom are outside sources of material introduced.  Special interest groups are well aware of this phenomenon and have high influence into what goes into the books in order to promote their agenda. 
   
   
3. The TYPE of Education: For the past century, progressive thought has dominated our schools.  Based on the philosophy of Rousseau and Kant, progressive educators believe that a child can learn naturally if only the hindrance of society is removed.  Kant actually argued that reason is impotent and objective knowledge can never be truly known.  Books like Dewey’s Democracy and Education and Boyd Bode’s Progressive Education at the Crossroads taught that children are inherently good and will learn if impediments are removed.  They teach information for the sake of information.  Terms such as “child-centered,” “open concept,” and “activity-based” are prevalent in a progressive classroom.  It produces students who are largely ignorant of facts and unable to reason.
   
   We are choosing a Catholic Classical education for our children. Our approach recognizes that children are affected by original sin and should not be allowed to “do as they like.”  Whereas the progressive school focuses on subjects, we will focus on the tools of learning. 
   
   Dorothy Sayers in her essay “The Lost Tools of Learning” writes:

[T]he tools of learning are the same, in any and every subject; and the person who knows how to use them will, at any age, get the mastery of a new subject in half the time and with a quarter of the effort expended by the person who has not the tools at his command. [. . .]

            To close this section, let me end with a quote by the famous Flannery O’Conner:  “My advice to parents is…Anything that William Heard Kilpatrick & John Dewey say to do, don’t do.”

4.     TIME: Essentially, school is a colossal waste of time.  That is not to say that time spent in school is completely wasted, but that the amount of time spent learning and practicing worthwhile skills is dramatically out-of-proportion.  And because of the time spent IN school, there is limited time to learn OUT of school!  This limits time spent with family, friends, religious education, extra-curricular activities, play and so-on.   In addition, students are generally taught to the lowest-common denominator in the classroom.  We will be able to teach our children at whatever level they are at!  We can personally tailor the education to each individual child and help them use their minds to the fullest. 

5.     SOCIALIZATION: Ironically, this is the main reason people are against home-schooling!  But socialization is one of the major reasons why we are choosing to home-school our children!  In schools, students are interacting with twenty to thirty students of the same age for forty hours a week.  With one teacher, kids tend to be the ones settling problems and setting up the social structure.  But kids are not the best teachers of effective communication and problem-solving skills, and so the result is quite often more like Lord of the Flies than Lord of the Rings.  At home, there is not a one-to-thirty ratio of adults to children, but, let’s go crazy and say a two-to-ten ratio.  Children are learning to communicate with those older AND younger than themselves, and are better suited to enter the world with people of all ages. 

6.     SHELTER: Yep!  We WANT to shelter our kids!  We want to introduce topics as each child is developmentally ready according to age, ability, maturity and necessity.  The consumerism and sexuality that are prevalent in schools are not welcome in our home.  So many of my first graders were obsessed (yes, obsessed) with Hannah Montana and would sing her songs and shake their booties on the playground.

7.     Finally, FINANCES: This differs significantly from home to home, but in our home, I was planning to stay home with our children until at least the last one was in college.  Private schools are incredibly expensive, especially for the large family we hope to have.  However, the home-school curriculum we hope to use costs about $1,000 a year PER FAMILY.  Amazing!!

A final thought from my husband: “No-one has more incentive to educate their children well, than their own parents.”  

Thanks again, Lisa, for the opportunity share my thoughts.  I look forward to reading more of your thoughts as well as more from other guest-posts and comments! What a great idea for a series!

Thanks, Lauren! You have great thoughts here, and I especially agree with the issues of sheltering, time, and state-controlled (and tested!) education.

Homeschooling guest post TOMORROW!

I am very excited to have a homeschooling guest post tomorrow from my very dear friend, Lauren, from Magnify the Lord with Me. If you read either of our blogs with any regularity, you'll notice that we're constantly linking back and forth to each other. She thinks I'm funny and a great cook, and I think she's brilliantly gifted in all matters concerning faith and frugality. (And obviously we like each other for other reasons. I realize how one/two-dimensional that sounds...)

Lauren and I met in high school, at junior/senior prom. She was a grade behind me and we didn't know each other (though we found out later we'd actually taken a class together when she was in junior high and I was in high school!) before that. Anyway, her up-do started to become a down-do in the middle of prom, so I took her to the bathroom and re-pinned it all. That's all it took! We've been friends for nearly 15 years now. We attended the same university and then moved in together post-college when we both had teaching jobs in the same city. She taught at a Catholic elementary school and I taught English at a Catholic high school.

We went through a lot of changes over our three years of living together as we both dealt with difficulties in our personal lives. Seeing each other at darker moments allowed for even greater rejoicing when we both met our (then-future) husbands within six months of each other. We got to share in each other's wedding planning and then we got married two weeks apart! Since we've been married, we haven't lived in the same city and have only seen each other five times or so. She's my daughter's Godmother, and I can't picture anyone more perfectly crafted to hold my daughter's soul in her hands.

Lauren married a great man whose own personality provides balance to hers. They are both very faithful Catholics and wonderful people who have looked forward to starting a large family together. Unfortunately, they've had to struggle with infertility and tangled adoption processes (you can read about this on her blog-- Lauren's done a great job of chronicling their journey). But...

In just a few more DAYS they are hoping to adopt their first child, a precious little boy! So, even more than ever, the homeschooling issue is becoming a complete reality for them. Be sure to come back tomorrow and read Lauren's post-- it's GREAT!

Also, if you haven't already, be sure to "follow" Lauren's blog and my own. And we both LOVE comments! I always say that sometimes I feel no one is reading this (except Lauren, my most faithful commenter) and then I hear from real-life friends and blog friends and realize people are out there. So, follow and comment! Give me a reason to put my English degrees and creative writing classes to use!

You'll be hearing more from Lauren in future guest posts about the homeschooling curriculum she's planning to use, and any other topic on which I can get her to post! Also, I think I may have to write later about some of our funny moments from living together. We had quite the time together! (See other real-life friends... if you comment on my blog I write nice things about you...) :-)

Homeschooling discernment series: Next up, Lisa lives in a tree

If for no other reason than THIS article, I feel almost compelled to homeschool, despite any other reservations. I may not sleep for a week after reading it.

I had fully intended to delve into the world of homeschooling, but due to unforeseen occurrences this post is going to be less-than-thorough in the way of homeschooling. As in, not related to homeschooling except tangentially. While I had hoped to spend my free time this week doing some researching and writing, the sick baby, active toddler, and other life circumstances have thrown me a bit of a curveball.

It would be ironic if I ignored my children to write about homeschooling, no?

Thus, I'm linking to the article from the Ruth Institute and going ahead and running a post I'd planned to do next week. It's a cop-out, but I need a momentary break to sort out life. If not, it will be completely chaotic and not the least bit cheerful.

So... onto the other post!

I am going to move my family to a redwood forest and live in a tree.

Not really.

But I'm pretty sure that is what M thinks is coming down the tracks.

It started with the "Greener" Household Cleaning Products Engine. Mmm... Grapefruit-scented Method cleanser makes my days happier.

Then the Eating Locally and Growing More of Our Own Food trains rolled into the station. The second part of that was temporarily postponed by vicious beasts foraging deer and the epic fence project. My tomato plants are finally flowering again, but I have no idea if I'll get more tomatoes out of them after the trauma they sustained. I've barely recovered myself. All other veggie and fruit projects were put on hold until next season.

Next the Homeschooling Express thundered down the tracks. Just as it started to lose steam, it rounded a major bend in the road and regained momentum.

And NOW, after all this railway action, the Cloth Diaper Caboose showed up, unexpectedly. You'll be hearing much more about this one, later. Any excuse to post about poop, I always say.

Yes, M is, I'm afraid, very worried about what ideas I'll be cooking up next. I think he's convinced I'm becoming a tree-hugging, hemp-wearing, tattoo-sporting liberal.

Not much to worry about there.

(Although I will say that I think liberals have highjacked the environment for their own purposes, and as people who espouse pro-life beliefs, conservatives need to stand up and take back a sense of environmental guardianship. This post makes some very valid points for all Christians.)

Anyway, don't worry, husband. I don't think I'll be trying to move our family up into a tree any time soon. Unless it can get really good cell reception and internet service. And if it has flushable toilets.

On my bookshelf, part deux

Note: Tomorrow is my day for homeschooling thoughts. I'm a bit behind because of the sick baby situation, but hope to be caught up by the morning.

I figured that while I was on a roll with the library books (I didn't drop a single one in spaghetti sauce, returned them basically on-time, and managed to shield them from both baby spit-up and other excretions), I should check out a few more. The verdict?

One I loved.

And the other? 

Let's just say that if it weren't a library book, I would have repurposed it to clean H's backside.

To start on a cheerful note, I thoroughly enjoyed The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. I hadn't expected to like it to the degree that I did, primarily because of the cutesy title. The book is written in letter form, and I was pleased with how richly developed many of the characters are. Yes, this is still a "beach read," but I really savored it-- the letter style meant that I could easily read it in small snippets of time as I nursed, folded laundry during quiet time, and lay in bed at night.

Unfortunately, the other book did NOT live up to whatever expectations I might have had going into it. I should have known this would be the case when I heard that Oprah liked it. I simply cannot find it in myself to like anything she likes, just because she likes it.

Eat, Pray, Love was the most narcissistic excuse for a book I've read in a long time, if ever. Setting aside the Christian-bashing (Catholic-bashing in particular), I still found Elizabeth Gilbert impossible to respect. If, at even one point in the book, she had said, "You know, I really did a terrible thing to my husband. I wish we had tried counseling together. I wish we had visited Italy together. Or gone to India. Together. Or Indonesia, or any other I-country. Or done any of the ridiculous things I did to 'discover myself' together before I chucked him to the curb and then made ridiculous excuses for my guilt. Maybe it would have worked. Maybe not. But at least I would have tried," then I could have at least respected her a bit. 

Instead, Gilbert spends a good portion of the book explaining how terribly miserable she was with her husband, even though she can't name a single fault of his. Then she falls in lust with a person who doesn't really want her, and who makes this rather clear to her, and then she tries to convince us this is love. Umm, right. 

I'll skip complaining about Italy, mainly because it just makes me hungry to think about the mass quantities of gelato and pizza she consumed. However, India drove me right up the wall, between the celebrity hotspot of an ashram and the former Catholic nun (!) who tells her that "Guilt's just your ego's way of tricking you into thinking that you've made moral progress."

Really???

Please raise your hand if the FORMER part of "former Catholic nun" comes as a surprise.

Anyone?

Finally, Gilbert ends up in Indonesia with someone JUST. LIKE. HERSELF. Someone who, having been married before, will settle for someone who doesn't give 100% to the relationship and who convinces himself that's enough. Ridiculous.

I have to stop here. I'm feeling annoyed that I've spent this much time thinking about someone who has spent way too much time thinking about herself. 

What's worse than a sick baby?

Hmmm... maybe a colonoscopy and a dentist visit. Both of which I also have to schedule. But right now, the sick baby trumps all.

When I took sweet H out of the bath on Friday, he felt incredibly warm. His temp was 100.3. Not thrilling, certainly, but not too worrisome. Unfortunately, 30 minutes later it has elevated to 101.5.

From that point on Friday night until this morning at 5:15 am, it has only dipped below 100 once, to 99.9. The high point, thankfully, has only been 103, but I just can't get a handle on what exactly is going on.

Other symptoms: nada. No runny nose, no cough, no bowel issues, no vomiting, his neck moves normally, no foul-smelling urine. When his temp comes down a bit (with the help of medication), he crawls around and chases the dogs and his sister, so he likely doesn't have a serious bacterial infection.

I finally caved in and made him an appointment with the pediatrician for this afternoon. For my own sanity I need to know that he's on the mend and that I'm not missing something else. I did talk with the doctor on the phone yesterday and we decided to take a wait-and-see approach for the time being. Now, though, I think it's time for more seeing and less waiting.

Say a prayer for my precious H!