After taking C to the doctor for her 4 month visit and vaccines, I stopped by Ace Hardware to talk with the scorpion-killing expert. I made sure to point out that I don't just want to kill the few that I might see, but I want to either 1) frighten them all away forever or 2) completely annihilate every last one. After he told me that nothing scares them, I settled for total destruction. Before I bought the indoor spray and the outdoor power killer, I contemplated the following methods of death for the little terrors that have chosen to move in with me:
Cannon to right of them/Cannon to left of them... this method might leave a few holes in the house, though.
I feel that the TNT method would be very Wile E. Coyote of me. It has promise.
I don't actually know what's going on here, but this looks like it would take care of scorpions.
The one problem with this idea, besides the fact that I don't know where one purchases a guillotine, is that it might only cut off a leg or something. I'm going for 100% dead, not just the walking-wounded.
The samurai is my top choice for several obvious reasons. 1) I would not even have to be in the house while he goes all crazy on them. 2) With all of his clothing, he is far less likely to get stung while crawling in the attic to kill the scorpions. 3) He might even be available for babysitting while I run to the store.
Closing note: If any scorpions are reading this, please stay away from my house. I have pesticide, and I'm not afraid to use it.
You're hilarious!
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