The evidence
My former initials might have been LKM, but M is truly the one who deserves those initials... the Leftover-Keeper Man. I finally recognized this when I was showering the other day. I put a bar of soap on the soap tray, which is above my head. It slid straight off onto the floor. I couldn't figure it out until I stood on tip-toe and saw two tiny bars of soap on the tray. I'm not sure who M thought would use them up! I finally came to the conclusion that my husband is incapable of getting rid of things he thinks he MIGHT someday use (though he actually relies on me to use them, since he considers them useless).
Other instances:
- At one point, early in our marriage, M left FOUR bags of bread heels. Even now, the heels remain in the bags until I finally eat or toss them.
- We often have multiple bottles of Clean Shower in the shower... each will have about an ounce left. I consolidate them.
- I always reach for the spray starch and realize that all four canisters have one spray left in them.
- Six... SIX... tubes of mostly-used toothpaste in the vanity drawer. M's response to this is that he planned on squeezing the toothpaste from the bottom when he "had a day [he] didn't have anything else to do." Yeah, right. I used them up and tossed them out.
I have decided that there are two ways to look at this with regard to our marriage:
1) Even when I'm all old and used-up, M will still keep me.
2) Once I'm starting to get old and used-up, M will replace me with someone new, but keep me in the shed or under the bathroom sink.
I've decided that Option One is the best way to think of the situation.
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